I was drinking Poland Spring water the other day and they have an advertisement on the label for home water delivery. It brought back some memories from when I was kid that got me thinking.
I had a friend who had a Poland Spring dispenser and the Poland Spring truck delivered water to their house on a regular basis. I thought, “How rich must these people be that they pay somebody to delivery something that they already get FOR FREE?” They must be really fucking rich. Not only did I find this concept insane, I thought it was a barometer for wealth.
Some other things I thought meant you were super duper rich:
- Having a guest room – You have an EXTRA ROOM in your house? AND you use that room for random people that may or may not be visiting? You have enough money to furnish a bedroom that you don’t even use? I couldn’t even get a new bed that was for me!
- Anyone who played tennis or golf – I didn’t even really have a rationale for this one. I didn’t know the equipment was expensive. We just didn’t have it at my school, but the richer towns had it at their schools. So, if you’re school offered Tennis or Golf as an after school activity, you were definitely a rich bitch.
- Having multiple pairs of shoes for one purpose – I had a pair of sneakers for gym, a pair of dress shoes for special occasions, a pair of snow boots, and a pair of sandals. Possible two pairs – one in black and one in brown. Now, I had a pair of shoes to go with every outfit. Kids who had multiple colors and multiple styles of shoes were absolutely some offshoot cousins of the Rockefellers. How else could they buy such unnecessary and frivolous items.
- Having a passport – Passports cost a lot of money. This also meant you were traveling farther than Canada. You lucky duck. Scrooge McDuck, that is, because you’re obviously rolling in it.
Kids are silly.