Have you ever tried buying a present for someone you don’t like? How about a greeting card? It’s fucking hard. Especially when it’s a sappy holiday.
For birthdays you can get away with funny cards and gift cards or spa kits or food gifts. Mother’s Day? No such luck. Everything is all “World’s Best Mom” and “Mom, I Love You.” What did Cindarella buy for her wicked stepmother? What is Adrian Peterson’s kid gonna get him for Father’s Day? Certainly not some sappy, lovey dovey, completely disingenuous crap. That’s when you buy one of those blank cards with flowers on the front and write Happy Mother’s Day on the inside and call it a day. Or you concede to buying one that says “Relax! You deserve it!” and think to yourself, “No, she doesn’t, but this is the least sappy thing I can find.”
That is why I think someone should open a gift shop specifically for when you need to buy a gift for someone you don’t like. Something more like this:
They should call this store Obligations.
And then pay me royalties when it’s a huge success. Mmmk?